There are many connotations in the media and society that still portray African-American women in a negative light. I believe that our race needs therapy. I remember when I was in an abusive relationship and I thought the man that I was with loved me. However, I came to realize that it had nothing to do with him; it was all about me, and how I regarded my life—my self-worth. The relationship did end; I had to revert to therapy to understand why I allowed myself to get into a situation of this caliber.

I remember having to go back into my past during those therapy sessions to truly encompass where I was at that moment. I remember as a child that my mother never told me that I was beautiful or the best thing since sliced bread. I never remember my father telling me these things either, because he died when I was two years old. It took a long time for me to come to the realization that all women are beautiful, and we were designed to be women for a reason.

I speak to every woman reading this article today, that if you have allowed yourself to be abused in a negative way, either in a relationship, by family, friends or co-workers that it is up to you to change, in order for your circle to change. I admit, I’m a pop-culture fanatic, and read just about everything that I can get my eyes on. However, I will say that I have come to realize that the society that we live in—in the 21st Century is no different than the previous.

African-American women still are having to deal with issues of being considered less than due to their skin color, are called out of their names, and the vast majority wonder if a Black man will choose them over a White woman/or of mixed heritage. I have discussed these issues so much until I have come to see, it takes a strong woman to know who she is, and regardless of what anyone says about her, she stands by her own convictions. I traveled to Ghana, West Africa, in 2007. I will never forget while touring the country that all the women were upheld in a different light versus in the United States.

We were celebrated for our different hues of Blackness; we were celebrated for our different sizes and shapes. In the United States the standard of beauty is to be blond, a size three, and have blue eyes. In our culture we are persuaded into believing in order to be considered a woman of beauty, you must be enhanced by plastic surgery, wear hair weaves, fake eye-lashes, and demean other women for the sake of a title/beauty. Black women have always set the standard in the world for what is fashionably correct, politically correct, and visually aesthetic to the eye. Correct me if I am wrong, but haven’t we always been duplicated?

So why do Black women not love themselves in the United States? I believe that it has to do with the home infrastructure that we have been brought up in, society, and the media. If you were never told you were beautiful, you will seek it out in others, and it always leads to a dead end. Have you ever taken the time to dissect Sojourner Truth’s speech, Ain’t I a Woman. She was a slave, bore thirteen children, each sold into slavery, and she still stood for her Blackness—her womanhood.

If the first woman God ever made
was strong enough to turn the world
upside down, all alone
together women ought to be able to turn it
rightside up again.

I am thirty-four years old, and at the age of twenty-five, these words that I am writing today, would have never been as such. However, I had to go through, to come out. I had to experience other’s telling me what I should look like/be like [I also tested out a lot on my own too], in order to fully understand my own genius. Yes, you too are a genius; you too are a Beautiful Black Woman, despite what magazines or websites contemplate. Yes, you were born into royalty. Yes, you are Black and Beautiful.

Too many women that I have spoken to have all said they have had to go through pain/abuse to come to the realization that they were created perfectly by GOD. Don’t let that be you, get help if you see yourself drifting in to someone else’s fantasy of what you should be, or look like in life. You owe it to you to be happy. Seek out help if you do not feel that you are worthy of being the unique being that you were created to be.

Remember; anyone can tell you on a daily basis that you are beautiful, but it only matters if you truly believe it internally.

Read Sojourner Truth's Ain't I A Woman

~soflynmythirties

Note from the Editress-in-Chief : Last summer, I heard about a 5-year-old Afro-Canadian who put in the garbage her Black doll. Let’s say that her name was Melissa. Our webmag Mega Diversities dedicates this article to all the Melissas in this world who do not feel beautiful internally and externally.

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About the author:   Kymberly Keeton is the Associate Editor of www.thyblackman.com.  The article above was published by Thyblackman.com in 2011.  The writing of Mrs.  Keeton focuses on being an African-American female in the United States, traveling abroad, race, culture, politics, art, education and humanity.   To know more about this talented author, visit her at http://www.kreativeyoungmillionaire.com.